AnyBUDy listening? Wellbeing and finding you

I'd imagine anybody reading the title is thinking, "oh here we go, another post about mindfulness, relaxation, meditating etc". True when you look up how to improve wellbeing and our mental health those things very often come up. But, what I've found it's not a case of laying down on the floor trying to find some sort of zen, whilst trying not to think about emptying the washing machine, planning tea or where has the little one put my keys. In my learning what I've found is mindfulness, relaxation and meditating means different things to different people. I struggle to try and clear my mind and when they say let your thoughts come and go and accept them, yarda yarda yarda, I literally have a thought and then down the rabbit hole forgetting I'm supposed to be relaxing and finding some sort of inner peace, which I'm not convinced I have. My husband is pretty convinced I have ADHD, when he told me I said "no way, I can focus on a task." Little did I know that ADHD is not like that, and particularly in women shows up differently. Apparently people with ADHD can have busy minds, become ultra fixed on things and then become obsessed with that thing, and if not interested in something then they completely switch off. These things as well as other personality traits seem to probably point me in the direction that I probably do have some form of ADHD. Anyway I digress again- if you have read my other post about starting a business you will see that it is a regular occurrence. So, going back to me trying to zone out on the floor trying to do mindfulness, well as you can imagine from reading the above, this did not go well. Becoming more and more frustrated with myself for not being able to stop thinking and wishing I could swap brains with someone to have some peace. In my frustration I quit trying to practice mindfulness thinking this is just not for me. I'm a stress head and always will be. But one day I went for a walk, and instead of rushing to my destination I slowed down. I started to chat to people in my village, (I'm very lucky to live in a lovely village) and took time to notice things around me. When I got home I realised that i'd really enjoyed my walk and felt a bit calmer. It was then I realised that mindfulness, relaxation and even meditation mean different things to different people. Going and having a nice bath, with a cup of tea (love a good cuppa, definitely not too milky though!) and listening to a funny Audible story was my relaxation and zen. Arranging flowers and making things look beautiful is like my meditation. Having a good natter with a friend or loved one, with a cup of tea is me taking some time out. Going for a walk and really taking notice of my surroundings and appreciating the small details and going back home for a nice cup of tea. I am not ever going to be a guru of meditation or mindfulness, but I have managed to find some peaceful moments in my whirling brain. I'll always be an overthinker, a worryer, general spiraller, and tea lover (not sure that's a bad thing though) but I can now identify things that will help me. I have some tips below, which may or may not be useful in finding some calm in a storm, but whatever the method do you!

1. Do not give yourself a hard time if you struggle to relax. Clearing a busy mind is a hard skill (one I will never fully accomplish. Be kind to yourself, giving yourself a mental bashing will not help.

2. Do something that works for you. If like me you love a bath and find that relaxing, then have a nice bath. If you find going for a run relaxing (personally not for me and my worst nightmare, unless I'm running to something tasty) then go for a run. Going for a simple walk round where you live and noticing your surroundings can be helpful, unless you have unpleasant neighbours. So long as your not harming yourself or anyone else find your relaxation method!

3. Talking and sharing concerns with an empathetic and supportive person can really be of great help. Do pick your times though- I always end up wanting to discuss things when my husband is trying to sleep at night-time, it cheeses me off because he's not really listening, which then in turn annoys him, although not that much as he still falls straight asleep.

4. Brings me onto my next tip nicely. Sleep, sleep, sleep. There's a reason why sleep deprivation was used as a torture method. Lack of sleep is horrible and can really up those anxiety gremlins. Try and have a good bedtime routine. I personally don't have a telly in our bedroom, but if you do, try and cut the screen time down before bed. Worried about things? Try making a list of things that you are worried about and make a plan to deal with those things when you can. Keep bedtime simple and calm.

5. In a nice way, ignore the advice people often give that is "don't worry." I get it, people want to reassure you. But If I said to you think of a pink dancing elephant with a yellow bowler hat doing a dance and then told you to stop thinking about it, the likelihood is you're still thinking about it. Worrying works the same way, by saying don't worry it's like saying stop thinking about it. Most of our brains do not work like this!

6. Check out resources available online. Mind are great and have lots of info on their website. Things like 5 steps to wellbeing may be useful. Keeping a journal. Using apps such as headspace. I personally love a programme on Netflix called moving art. Please note whatever websites etc I have mentioned I do not work for (although I did work for Mind a while back) and there are lots of other resources, apps, networks, podcasts and books available. Just make sure there from reptable sources, so you're not signing up to live in some kind of cult.

7. Going back to the talking tip (see my brain bounces about, lol) there are organisations there to listen such as the Samaritans if things are getting too much. You can call them on 116 123. They are there 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Your call will be answered by a trained volunteer.

8. Lastly, be kind to yourself. I hope this is a general theme of my blogs, as I think this is super important. Life can be a real lil bleep sometimes. I often try and have words with cosmos but I get no reply. One of my neighbours said something to me that helped shift my mindset. She's a lovely lady who is currently recovering from an operation that removed cancer from her body. She said to me, life is like a book, it's full of chapters. One chapter or even a few chapters may be absolutely horrible, but that doesn't mean the whole book will be like that. I'll never forget that.

#wellbeing #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #talk #kindtoyourself #thefloraltrojan

Thank you for reading!